Movie Quotes - The Princess Bride (to the pain)
The Princess Bride (1987)
Chris Sarandon: Prince Humperdinck
Quotes
Chris Sarandon: Prince Humperdinck
Quotes
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!
[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]
Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Inigo Montoya: But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black: That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Inigo Montoya: Isn't there any way you trust me?
Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.
Inigo Montoya: I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in Black: Throw me the rope.
Inigo Montoya: Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Westley: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Man in Black: You're that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Man in Black: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.
Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
Man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will, and I choose... what in the world can that be?
[Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. The Man in Black looks backwards. Vizzini swaps the goblets]
Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. But no matter.
[Vizzini tries to hold back laughter]
Man in Black: What's so funny?
Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
[Vizzini and the Man in Black drink]
Man in Black: You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
[Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead. The Man in Black removes the blindfold from Buttercup's head]
Man in Black: You all right?
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Man in Black: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know...
Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: 'kay.
Fezzik: Buttercup is missing. She went to visit Miracle Max yesterday and didn't return.
Westley: Fezzik, go to Miracle Max. Did she make it to his cottage? Alone? If so, what time? What happened? When did she leave? Get a description of her horse and her attire.
Fezzik: The attire of the horse or Buttercup?
Westley: Both! Now go and make haste! Inigo. Quick, to the castle. Gather information from the King, Queen , Prince Humperdinck, and anyone else Buttercup had communications with yesterday. Have the King summon his finest trackers and have them search for signs: tracks, clothes, or, dare I say it, blood.
Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. We'll need a saw, 2 tourniqutes, fire, and clean water, rags, & tape.
Then your hands at the wrists. We'll need a saw, 2 tourniqutes, fire, and clean water, rags, & tape.
Prince Humperdinck: You could have just said 4 tourniquets.
Westley: Enough! Next your nose. We could use a sword, sharp knife, or just burn it off. Yes. So, fire, clean water, cotton balls, a rag, and tape.
Prince Humperdinck: You reall should have merged all the tools you've mentioned above into one sentence.
Westley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right. Then the teeth, tongue, and lips.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain means." It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
[slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]
Westley: DROP... YOUR... SWORD!
Prince Humperdinck: [Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor]
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender.
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
Miracle Max: Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: [sees Fezzik] You ARE the Brute Squad!
Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Dread Pirate Roberts: Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Man in Black: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
[Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him]
Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.
Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What's that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Man in Black: You've done nothing but study swordplay?
Inigo Montoya: More pursue than study lately. You see, I cannot find him... it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
Man in Black: Well I certainly hope you find him someday.
Inigo Montoya: You are ready then?
Man in Black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to kill you.
Man in Black: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to die.
Inigo Montoya: Begin.
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[Inigo advances on Rugen, but stumbles into the table with sudden pain. Rugen attacks, but Inigo parries and rises to his feet again]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[Rugen attacks again, Inigo parries more fiercely, gaining strength]
Inigo Montoya: Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
[Rugen attacks, twice. Inigo avoids and wounds Rugen in both shoulders, the same spots where he wounded Inigo. Inigo attacks, bellowing:]
Inigo Montoya: HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!
[Inigo corners Count Rugen, knocks his sword aside, and slashes his cheek, giving him a scar just like Inigo's]
Inigo Montoya: Offer me money.
Count Rugen: Yes!
Inigo Montoya: Power, too, promise me that.
[He slashes his other cheek]
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya: Offer me anything I ask for.
Count Rugen: Anything you want...
[Rugen knocks Inigo's sword aside and lunges. But Inigo traps his arm and aims his sword at Rugen's stomach]
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch!
[He runs Count Rugen through and shoves him back against the table. Rugen falls to the floor, dead]
[last lines]
The Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandpa: As you wish.
The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
[cut to Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik]
The Impressive Clergyman: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
[cut to the trio again]
The Impressive Clergyman: So tweasure your wuv.
Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.
The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing?
[cut to the trio once more]
The Impressive Clergyman: ...and do you, Pwincess Buwwercup...
Prince Humperdinck: Man and wife. Say man and wife.
The Impressive Clergyman: Man an' wife.
Miracle Max: You got any money?
Inigo Montoya: Sixty-five.
Miracle Max: I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo Montoya: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
Miracle Max: Are you a rotten liar!
Inigo Montoya: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years.
Miracle Max: Your first story was better.
Miracle Max: [Lifts and drops the arm of the dead Westley] I've seen worse.
Grandpa: It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse.
The Grandson: See, didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?
Grandpa: Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.
[repeated line]
Vizzini: Inconceivable!
Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya: Let me explain.
[pause]
Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.
Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.
Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.
Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.
Westley: And our assets?
Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.
Buttercup: You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it!
Man in Black: With pride. What can I do for you?
Buttercup: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black: Tsk, tsk. That's hardly complimentary, Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
Buttercup: You killed my love.
Man in Black: It's possible. I kill a lot of people.
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I am not left-handed.
[switches sword to his other hand, and begins to fight far more successfully]
Man in Black: You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.
[switches his own sword to his other hand, suddenly driving Inigo back]
Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: I could kill you now.
Man in Black: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
Buttercup: Oh, Wesley, will you ever forgive me?
Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to - it all happened so fast.
Westley: Never happened.
Buttercup: What?
Westley: Never happened.
Buttercup: But it did I was there; this old man said 'man and wife.'
Westley: Did you say 'I do?'
Buttercup: Um, no... we sort of skipped that part.
Westley: [to the Prince who has just entered the room] Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?
Prince Humperdinck: A technicality that will shortly be remedied.
- Prince Humperdinck : First things first, to the death.Westley : No. To the pain.Prince Humperdinck : I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.Westley : I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.Prince Humperdinck : That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
- Westley: No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?Man in Black: Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.[after defeating Fezzik, who lays on the ground unconscious]Man in Black: I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.Westley: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.Westley: Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'Grandpa: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.Westley: As you wish.Grandpa: "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water - please.Westley: As you wish.Grandpa: That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.Westley: As you wish.The Grandson: Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports?The Grandson: Is this a kissing book?Grandpa: Wait, just wait.The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?Grandpa: Keep your shirt on, and let me read.Man in Black: Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well.Grandpa: Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The end.Prince Humperdinck: [draws sword] For the last time, surrender!Westley: DEATH FIRST!Miracle Max: Get back, witch.Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?Man in Black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.Inigo Montoya: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro?Man in Black: Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don't you?Inigo Montoya: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa... which I have!Vizzini: You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.Vizzini: Finish him. Finish him, your way.Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini... what's my way?Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock.Fezzik: My way's not very sportsman-like.Westley: We are men of action, lies do not become us.Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's followed us?Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters...Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.Count Rugen: Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.Prince Humperdinck: I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war.Count Rugen: [snickers, then examines a huge tree] Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find...[he finds it and the tree opens to reveal a hidden passage]Count Rugen: Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Wesley's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight.Prince Humperdinck: [sincerely] Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything.Inigo Montoya: But this is Buttercup's true love - If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.Miracle Max: Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!Miracle Max: HA-HA-HA![mutters under his breath and grabs his cap]Miracle Max: *That* is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job.Inigo Montoya: [pushing his way through a crowd] Excuse me... Pardon me, please, it's important... Fezzik, please?Fezzik: EVERYBODY MOVE![everybody clears a path]Inigo Montoya: Thank you.Man in Black: I challenge you to a battle of wits.Vizzini: For the Princess?Man in Black: [nods]Vizzini: To the death?Man in Black: [nods]Vizzini: I accept!Buttercup: You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward it is only because you are one of the slimiest weaklings ever to walk the Earth!Inigo Montoya: My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. He was a great swordmaker, my father. When the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before it was done.[Shows the Man in Black the sword]Man in Black: I've never seen its equal.Inigo Montoya: The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. The six-fingered man left me alive, but he gave me these.[strokes the scars on his cheeks]Man in Black: How old were you?Inigo Montoya: I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe[smacks his lips]Miracle Max: They're so perky, I love that.
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