"I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects

"I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. 

"I can tread water for three days without a break, & I can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. 

"While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. 

"On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. 

"I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. 

Like this: https://youtu.be/3kmsb0rXZrc?t=55s

And,

I breed prizewinning clams. "

So...

Why no responses?!! 

Likes? 

Hearts?

Should I have included?:

"Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. "

???

Or, 

"Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down."

???

Please help.

Any little suggestion or piece of advice might help to attract thousands of Haitian women or ladies from other exotic locals...

Signed,

The Lonely Bull

EVERYTHING ============
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. 

I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. 

I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, 

I write award-winning operas, 

I manage time efficiently. 

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, 

I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. 

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. 

I play bluegrass cello, 

I was scouted by the Mets, 

I am the subject of numerous documentaries. 

When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. 

I enjoy urban hang gliding. 

On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. 
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. 
I don't perspire. 

I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. 

I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. 

Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. 

I bat 400. 

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.

 Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. 

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. 

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. 

I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. 

I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. 

While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. 

The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. 

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. 

Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

 I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a George Forman Grill  and a toaster.

I breed prizewinning clams. 

I have won cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. 

I have played Hamlet; performed open-heart surgery; and have spoken with Elvis.