Tee Nonc’s Night Before Christmas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf9MepGdNXY

Mais, was dat night before Christmas, an' all chrew da camp Dem taille tailles were stirrin', so I leff on da lamp. My consons were hung by da chimney to dry, Cause I fell in da bayou at Tee Nonc's fish fry. Da tee betes were pass out all snug in der beds, While visions of gratons, dey danced in der heads. Clotille in her big draws, an' me wit my C-pap, Had jus' watched da wedder den hit da hay for a nap. When out in my yard der arose such a thracah, I jump up from dat bed an' my wife hollered, "Mais, gah!!!". Away to da window I flew like a flash, Knocked da blinds off da wall, almos' busted my ass. Da moon on da breast of Bayou Cortableau Gave da luster of mid-day to my pirogue below. Den, what to my 'ol Cajun eyes should appear, But some guy in a Ford, being pulled by some deer. I look at dat driver, an' called him a tchew, Come to find out, it was my podnuh, Tee Nu. Veet! Veet! like a blue runner, all dem deer came, And he whistled, and shouted, an' called dem by name! "Nah, Couillon! Nah, Tee-Coe! Nah, Ulysse an' Boudreaux! Allon, Chu-platte! Allon, Grosse Tete! Allon, Domingue an' Gautreaux! To da top of da carporch! To da top of dat wall! Nah, chu passe'! Chu passe'! Chu passe' y'all!" Like duck an' geese dat before dem cold front, dey fly, Whan dey hear all dem shotgun, dat choot to da sky. So up on my new roof dem tchew plattes, dey flew, Wit dat damn pickup truck, an' Tee Nu, him, too. An' den, all of dem couillons, I hear on da roof Da prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my tete, an' was turning around, Down da damn chimney, Tee Nu's big tchew hit da ground. He was dressed all in camo, from his tete to dem foot, And his clothes were all cahsey'ed with swamp mud an' root. A big sack of gratons he had flung on his back, An' he look like he was pie-yied, an' kept stumblin' back. His eyes couldn't focus! His beard, big an' hairy! He smell like dem sugarcane plants, down in Da Berry! His dhrawl little mout was drawn up like a bow, An' whan he climb out dat chimney, he say, "Keeyaw! Ca fais chaud!". Dat one-hitta pipe he held tight in his teet, An' dat smoke it encircled his tete like a wreat. Ca ce vilian, wit a little, roun' belly, An' he kepp passin' gas, makin' my camp sumptin' smelly! He downed a Bud Light, an' let out a belch, An' pointed to his ice chess, an' said, "Grab one, foe youself!" Wit a wink of his eye, he said, "Kyoooo!!! I'm drunk, me!!!" An' I said, "Mais! No lie! Tee Nu, you muss leave!" He spoke not a word, an chrew up in his mout, An' I open da door an' say, "Get you ass out!!!" An' laying his finger aside his big nose, As he say, "Bec mon tchew!", up dat chimney he rose! He hopped in dat truck, to dem deer gave a holla, An' away dey all flew like a crackhead wit ten dolla But I heard over his radio, playing "Opelousas Sostan" "Merry Christmas, my baw! You damn Fils De Putain!"

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Mais*, was dat night before Christmas, an' all chrew da camp Dem taille tailles were stirrin', so I leff on da lamp. My consons* were hung by da chimney to dry,
Cause I fell in da bayou at Tee Nonc's fish fry.

Mais - Cajuns start most of there sentences with this. It just means "Well," or "So,", etc.
taille tailles - ? Consons - ?
Da tee betes* were pass out all snug in der beds,
While visions of gratons*, dey danced in der heads.
Clotille in her big draws, an' me wit my C-pap, Had jus' watched da wedder den hit da hay for a nap.

Tee Betes: little babies, or any kid under 5.
Gratons: fried pork skins (Cracklings) When out in my yard der arose such a thracah*, I jump up from dat bed an' my wife hollered, "Mais, gah!*".
Away to da window I flew like a flash, Knocked da blinds off da wall, almos' busted my ass.
Thracah - comotion
Mais gah! - an exclamation when you're thinking "what the hell was that?"
Da moon on da breast of Bayou Cortableau Gave da luster of mid-day to my pirogue* below.
Den, what to my 'ol Cajun eyes should appear, But some guy in a Ford, being pulled by some deer.

pirogue - a wooden, flat-bottom, canoe-like boat that can carry a person through very shallow (6")
swamp waters. I look at dat driver, an' called him a tchew*,
Come to find out, it was my podnuh*, Tee Nu.
Veet*! Veet! like a blue runner*, all dem deer came,
And he whistled, and shouted, an' called dem by name!
tchew - jackass, ass
podnuh - partner, good friend
Veet - more of a sound than a word imitating the sound of the deer coming.
Blue Runner - large, fast-moving snake (aka "Coachwhip Snake").
Parents tell their children:
"A coachwhip comes up behind you and if he catches you he'll whip your legs with his tail"

"Nah*, Couillon!
Nah, Tee-Coe!
Nah, Ulysse an' Boudreaux!
Allon*, Chu-platte!
Allon, Grosse Tete!
Allon, Domingue an' Gautreaux!
To da top of da carporch*! To da top of dat wall!
Nah, chu passe*'! Chu passe'! Chu passe' y'all!"

Nah - Hey!
Allon - C'mon! Let's go!
Carporch - carport
Chu passe - [something] go! possibly "get your ass in gear!"

Like duck an' geese dat before dem cold front, dey fly, Whan dey hear all dem shotgun, dat choot to da sky. So up on my new roof dem tchew plattes, dey flew, Wit dat damn pickup truck, an' Tee Nu, him, too.

tchew plattes - ass [something] An' den, all of dem couillons, I hear on da roof Da prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my tete, an' was turning around, Down da damn chimney, Tee Nu's big tchew hit da ground.
couillon - stupid person, idiot , or fool.
tete - head
tchew - ass
He was dressed all in camo, from his tete to dem foot, And his clothes were all cahsey'ed with swamp mud an' root. A big sack of gratons he had flung on his back, An' he look like he was pie-yied, an' kept stumblin' back.

cahsey'ed - messed-up, also, very drunk
pie-yied - very drunk His eyes couldn't focus! His beard, big an' hairy! He smell like dem sugarcane plants, down in Da Berry! His dhrawl little mout was drawn up like a bow, An' whan he climb out dat chimney, he say, "Keeyaw! Ça fais chaud!!".

Da Berry - ? "Keeyaw! - exclamation as in 'Wow!' or 'Damn'
Ca fais chaud! - That is hot!
Dat one-hitta pipe he held tight in his teet, An' dat smoke it encircled his tete like a wreat. Ca ce vilian, wit a little, roun' belly, An' he kepp passin' gas, makin' my camp sumptin' smelly! He downed a Bud Light, an' let out a belch, An' pointed to his ice chess, an' said, "Grab one, foe youself!" Wit a wink of his eye, he said, "Kyoooo!!! I'm drunk, me!!!" An' I said, "Mais! No lie! Tee Nu, you muss leave!" He spoke not a word, an chrew up in his mout, An' I open da door an' say, "Get you ass out!!!" An' laying his finger aside his big nose, As he say, "Bec mon tchew!", up dat chimney he rose! He hopped in dat truck, to dem deer gave a holla, An' away dey all flew like a crackhead wit ten dolla But I heard over his radio, playing "Opelousas Sostan" "Merry Christmas, my baw! You damn Fils De Putain!"